No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
