no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
