Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
