I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
