he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
