this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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