i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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