Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
