I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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