seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
