You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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