Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
