I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
