she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
