i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
