I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
