so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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