As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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