I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
