I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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