I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
