Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
