ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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