I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
