I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
