Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
