I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Come on in and take your pants off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
