How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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