i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
