Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
