We won't sleep together?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
