Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
