just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
