When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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