Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
