he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
