Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
