My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
