I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is Oprah even human
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
