Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
