so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
