just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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