apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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