Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
