dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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