I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
