it's not cheating when I paid for it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
