Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
