I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
