I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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