I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
