Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
