yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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