So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
