Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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